They say you can still hear the ghosts of the family photo places killed by smartphones, if you stick your phone in a pot of boiling corn syrup. 

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In the modern day Doug reboot there is absolutely going to be an episode about a Yakestonesian email scam, isn't there. 

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DougCoin is going to where it was always going: a crippling round of existential depression. 

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Mickenmaus is a Viscount of Hell, who commands three legions. He causes children to delight in artists suffering, and can make dreams real at a terrible price. He appears as a lion with the head of a dog, and holding a sword of light. 

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Today The Funnie Papers goes to war to determine which plane of grandma reality is real. 

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This is like if Breaking Bad ended with some kid saying "gee your candy makes people jittery" so Walter stopped making it. 

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In an episode that starts utterly unmoored from reality and only gets worse, Doug imagines dating Patti Mayonnaise. Also Professor Oogie tries to teach him how sex works. 

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Listen, kids! Mr. Footballman needs YOUR HELP to solve World Hungee, but he needs YOUR English test and social security number to do it! 

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Much to our distress, this is an actually good episode of Doug. Thankfully Coach Spitz returns and covers himself in goo so we have something to talk about. 

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What the hell is this "math" stuff you people are talking about. This is the worst train I've ever been on. 

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